Admitting it. I feel: _______________ .

I am certain this isn't limited to folks who are caretakers.

Or folks who are worried/worriable/nearly spent with worry.

I'm certain it isn't exclusive to psychopaths, sycophants, and the psychotic... though with that I could be wrong. Overly boastful folks, neurotic folks, folks who don't know which applies to them, if not all... it's about admitting how you feel.

That crap is harder than I can in my gut admit that I am committed to feeling about it.

What?!

So, its like this, I started today, at about seven-twenty-eight, feeling... down. I was late. I had a meeting. It was off site. I was thinking about my reputation.

Now, no, reputations aren't completely based on being late or early, but new ones, and my relative external brownnes (and extreme brown in-ness) make my lateness a genetic/africanish thing... but that's a whole notha blog. And it's sufficient to say: i didn't want to be late, I didn't like how I felt about being late. I took seriously that I was... you get the point.

By noon-thirty, I felt proud. I walked straighter. I'd sealed a deal. I was future-thinking. I was in a suit (kinda, a blazer) but still. I was suit-able. And I did so solitarily.

By three, I was borderline. I was anxious over the maintenance of a few things. Overly planning several other things. And dammit, I forgot my phone. It was internally ugly. Though, when I bumped into someone I know who complimented my half-way suit, I smiled, big. When another person said (seriously) I resembled Jordan-Somebody, a newscaster from somewhere, I smiled again broadly and said "I'll take that". I told the guard it was a great day.

Lord have mercy, how the hell do I feel today? How the hell do any of us feel?

What separates this from a rant is that I have no clue if I'm necessarily angry or sad (though it may be time to let up OFF the caffeine), and that I'm really asking the question to any given one of us (given there is more than one of us reading this blog)...

Why is it so hard to really get in touch with how we feel, ruminate on it, speak on it (truly speak on it) and get over it (truly get over it)?

I mean, I realize some things are big... and take time... perhaps forever, but not every-damn-thing.

So, I guess this is where I admit it. I friggin feel: (pause...pause...)

I feel: _____________________.
(like I need to figure it out)
#crap.